I talk a lot about self love and self confidence. I’ve always been aware of it’s importance and the need to love yourself before you can love others fully etc etc (which, by the way, is an ongoing practice). Which sounds great and all, but I recently realized that maybe not everyone knows where to begin with this seemingly easy (but actually rather difficult) task of trusting fully in yourself and loving yourself for all that you are. How does one go about building self confidence? It’s an important skill that doesn’t just happen magically, yet you hear keynote speakers and coaches talking about it on the reg as if it’s something you were born with.
In the last year, I’ve learned to trust myself and have developed more confidence than I’ve ever had (except maybe those middle school years, but does that even count?!) and I want to share with you some actionable steps you can actually implement to build your own self confidence. I promise you, it will totally change your day to day life!
1- Keep the promises you make to yourself
When you think of your most trustworthy friend, what qualities come to mind? I would guess that one of the first things you think of is that they are reliable. You know you can always count on them to show up and do what they say they’re going to do, when they promise that they’re going to do it.
You can develop this exact same relationship with yourself. How often do you tell yourself you’re going to do something, only to essentially let yourself down and back out? Start keeping the promises you make to yourself. The key here is to be realistic about them! Did you tell yourself that you’re going to wake up in the morning and run before work? Awesome, now make sure you carve out enough time in the morning, go to bed a little earlier, set your alarm, and be sure that you set yourself up for success in order to make that happen!
Planning on meal prepping this Sunday? Figure out how long it will take you, then add an extra half hour. Write down that time slot in your planner, calendar, sticky note, whatever you use for schedule keeping. Treat it like an important appointment that you can’t miss!
The more often you show up for yourself, the stronger that self confidence muscle will get because you always know you can count on yourself to make sh*t happen!
2-Look within for answers
Getting advice from people you love and trust is incredible, and truly I don’t even know where I would be without my support system. It can be so helpful to get an outsider’s perspective on a situation, and I’m a huge believer in connection and the fact that every single person that comes into our lives can expand our minds. BUT it’s also equally important to learn that YOU have the answers. Often times when we feel confused or lost in a situation, we already know what to do. It sometimes gets clouded by fear and self doubt and the immediate reaction to call a best friend for help. But what if instead you got quiet for a bit and sat with the problem, alone. Journal about it. Ask yourself how you truly feel, the result you really want, and if solution a or b gets you closer to your life’s vision. You may discover that you already have all the answers you need. Learn how to self soothe by talking yourself through an uncomfortable situation. There have been so many times when I wanted to text a friend or call my mom about even the smallest daily struggle, but stopped myself and turned to my own mind instead. This will help you learn how to trust yourself, and you’ll remember that you are fully capable of problem solving all on your own.
3-Get out of the comparison trap
The one thing that’s going to sabotage any confidence you have in yourself is comparison. We all do it, we’re human. It’s going to be a daily practice to get better at this, but I promise it will make a difference. Stop comparing yourself to someone you believe is better than you. Stop telling yourself you “should” be at a certain level or point in your life because so and so is already there. It’s bs. The only thing that will come out of constant comparison is extreme self doubt and feeling like you aren’t enough. You can choose who you follow on social media. Is someone making you feel like you’re less than? Unfollow them. Are you hanging out with “friends” who don’t encourage you to be all that you are? Stop associating yourself with them. Do what you need to in order to stay in your own lane. Comparison is literally the opposite of confidence and joy. The only person that you need to be better than is the one you were yesterday.
And above all else, have grace with yourself. It’s always amazing to strive to be the best version of you, but only if it comes from a place of love.
You are enough, exactly as you are. And the real magic happens when you can fully believe this yourself.